Today I want to share a few of our struggles with you. So that when other adoptive families make the journey to adopt, they to, know that struggles are a part of the process.

To tell you the truth. These first few weeks have been a bit of a struggle. In the beginning when the boys arrived at the apartment in Bulgaria a series of doubt hit me like a whirlwind. It scared me. I'm sad to say that I began questing myself, "what have I done?" I even began to think that if I shared my love with these boys then I was betraying the love I had for my two daughters. If I am to be completely honest with you this was how I felt. I knew the adoption would be hard, but not like this. Our agency had warned us that sometimes it takes a while for not only the child to bond, but the parents as well. I always thought I was 'above this' and that I would bond with my sons no problem at all. But here I was failing at the one thing I thought I could manage... God had shown me that I cannot manage on my own, but with Him I could manage.

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

“O Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps.” Jeremiah 10:23

On our way back to America from Bulgaria I was almost fearful of how my daughters would react to my sons. But the minute I saw the look on my girls faces I knew it was okay to share my love, because they had already given theirs. Peace hit me like a flood. You see, God had been working on my heart and here He showed me something I will never forget. The light, the love, the joy, the excitement on my girls faces as they meet our sons! They were already in love and here I was hoarding it. It was at this moment that God showed me my heart, and it was at this moment the doubt left. Praise God!! I will admit that things can be hard, but I know I love my boys! Just today I was rocking little Ryan to sleep and I could hear his little heart beat next to mine. It was as if our hearts were being bonded at that moment. I can't even describe it...it was wonderful! And just hearing my little Shane mumble the words "MaMa" just melts my heart! I thank God for putting them in my life! I cannot image, not even for a moment, the two of them sitting in that orphanage with no love, with no tender care, with no mom and dad. Our two sons came home sick, weak, and broken. It is heart breaking knowing what they went through and oh how I wish I could remove them from their hurting past. But you know God has a plan for them and He will use it. For He is faithful and just to complete a good work in us, and I can't wait to see the work he completes in my boys...as well as my girls. :)

If you are thinking about adoption. I want to encourage you. Our sons have only been home a week and yet seem not to even think about the orphanage. Instead, they want to be with us 24/7 and seem happier than ever before. Today there are over 100 million orphans worldwide... and they need homes. IF only, you could only see the difference it makes in their lives! It is a blessing to be used of God in such a way.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

We love you all and I hope we can encourage you on whatever journey God leads you to.

Always,
The Hill Family